Commercials showing happy couples may be enjoyable to most, but to some those ads sting. TV or movie scenes of people coming home to appreciative family and friends can warm the heart, unless you don't have that in your particular life. The classic cliché of kissing a loved one at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve is sweet, unless you don't have that special someone who'll let you kiss 'em.
For those who are lonely throughout the year, this season only sharpens the pain. What to do about it? Here are a few suggestions for your consideration:
First, God loves you, regardless of who you are or what you've done. That's not the same as His being your vending machine (which is a great topic for another time).
Second, you already have permission to love yourself. That's not to say you have clearance to do self-destructive things for your enjoyment. For example, I love to eat. If I eat a large pizza each day as part of "loving myself", that ain't love.
Third, I'd suspect each of us has something we like to do that is uplifting, that clears our heads, that has a positive effect in our lives. For me, getting outside in fresh air always clears my head. Going for a long drive can be exhilarating as well.
In any event, making active choices can lift one from those holiday doldrums. That act of choosing an uplifting opportunity doesn't depend on anyone else being around. Yep, you can choose a different path.
How do I know all this to be effective and true? Let's "ask" the late Levi Stubbs...
Friday, December 28, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
The Longest Night
No, this isn't the title of some comic book miniseries. Tonight, somewhere downtown, a bunch of folk will gather to remember the homeless who have passed away in 2012. It's a yearly observance. Other cities do similar:
http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_22227633/family-and-friends-remember-147-homeless-deaths-denver?IADID=Search-www.denverpost.com-www.denverpost.com
I'm not saying this is a God-sent calling for my life. I do admit, I seem to relate to some on the street better than the "haves" I encounter.
Somebody should remember them.
http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_22227633/family-and-friends-remember-147-homeless-deaths-denver?IADID=Search-www.denverpost.com-www.denverpost.com
I'm not saying this is a God-sent calling for my life. I do admit, I seem to relate to some on the street better than the "haves" I encounter.
Somebody should remember them.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Bob (not his real name)
I'm blessed to be retired. There is a measure of freedom that I appreciate.
One thing I do to stay involved is volunteer, serving the homeless. One guy in particular opened my eyes in a few areas. Let's call him "Bob".
He was about 6-foot tall, kinda lean (as you might expect), and had a goofy sense of humor. First time I met him, I said something silly and he responded as Moe Howard of the Three Stooges. I responded in kind as Curly, and it got sillier from that point forward.
From time to time, when I saw him, he'd have the shakes. I didn't know if it was Parkinson's or some other condition.
In the months to come, we got a chance to talk about many things, some serious and others light-hearted. He opened my eyes to life on the street. I had no idea the nature of the dangers after dark on the streets. More than once, Bob would tell me about some guy who got into a fight in the wee hours of the morning. Also, when Bob described the level of savagery, I was shocked. Also, there was a lot of theft between folks, which would also set off fights and arguments.
I can't say we were friends in the classic sense. I never even knew his last name. But, we had started to get to know each other enough to have in-depth, real conversations on a wider circle of topics. He helped me grow in new ways.
In my limited exposure to that society, I initially held the impression it was a loose-knit type of communal environment. It was a lot more dog-eat-dog that I'd ever considered. Bob mentioned several incidents where some guy jumped him, and left him bruised. A couple of times, Bob ended up in the hospital to recover.
One Thursday in mid-October, Bob and I talked about the coming winter and his provisions for staying warm and dry. He also mentioned that a few nights before, he had awakened to a larger guy pummelling him around the head and shoulders. Bob wasn't visibly bruised, and not necessarily emotionally shaken. He seemed more resigned to the fact that such acts were part and parcel of life on the street.
The following week, as I was starting to set up, another homeless guy came up to me and asked "you heard about Bob, right?" The guy went on to tell me several guys took turns beating on Bob late one night, for reasons unknown. Apparently, during a pause in the assault Bob crawled away from the scene of the attack to a nearby point of concealment in an attempt to prevent a follow-on attack.
Bob's body was found at sunrise.
In the days that followed, I scanned the local paper for a mention, maybe an obituary. Nothing. Week after week, no mention.
I realize some murders capture the community's attention in a sudden way. Others may be noted, but the story soon fades. Some get ignored. I don't know if the local police are in the midst of investigating, or if they are stymied by lack of leads. This is not to disparage their efforts to keep the streets safe.
To think that Bob died alone on some downtown street, by the hand of others, and has been all but forgotten is heartbreaking.
Life is such a gift. There are so many signs around us that reveal just how much we've forgotten that fact.
The take-away I offer is this: take the time to consider what your existence means. What does your life symbolize? What do you stand for?
P.S., in mid-November, I got word that a different homeless guy I know (let's call him Carl) also suffered an attack from a group of guys, apparently just because.
One thing I do to stay involved is volunteer, serving the homeless. One guy in particular opened my eyes in a few areas. Let's call him "Bob".
He was about 6-foot tall, kinda lean (as you might expect), and had a goofy sense of humor. First time I met him, I said something silly and he responded as Moe Howard of the Three Stooges. I responded in kind as Curly, and it got sillier from that point forward.
From time to time, when I saw him, he'd have the shakes. I didn't know if it was Parkinson's or some other condition.
In the months to come, we got a chance to talk about many things, some serious and others light-hearted. He opened my eyes to life on the street. I had no idea the nature of the dangers after dark on the streets. More than once, Bob would tell me about some guy who got into a fight in the wee hours of the morning. Also, when Bob described the level of savagery, I was shocked. Also, there was a lot of theft between folks, which would also set off fights and arguments.
I can't say we were friends in the classic sense. I never even knew his last name. But, we had started to get to know each other enough to have in-depth, real conversations on a wider circle of topics. He helped me grow in new ways.
In my limited exposure to that society, I initially held the impression it was a loose-knit type of communal environment. It was a lot more dog-eat-dog that I'd ever considered. Bob mentioned several incidents where some guy jumped him, and left him bruised. A couple of times, Bob ended up in the hospital to recover.
One Thursday in mid-October, Bob and I talked about the coming winter and his provisions for staying warm and dry. He also mentioned that a few nights before, he had awakened to a larger guy pummelling him around the head and shoulders. Bob wasn't visibly bruised, and not necessarily emotionally shaken. He seemed more resigned to the fact that such acts were part and parcel of life on the street.
The following week, as I was starting to set up, another homeless guy came up to me and asked "you heard about Bob, right?" The guy went on to tell me several guys took turns beating on Bob late one night, for reasons unknown. Apparently, during a pause in the assault Bob crawled away from the scene of the attack to a nearby point of concealment in an attempt to prevent a follow-on attack.
Bob's body was found at sunrise.
In the days that followed, I scanned the local paper for a mention, maybe an obituary. Nothing. Week after week, no mention.
I realize some murders capture the community's attention in a sudden way. Others may be noted, but the story soon fades. Some get ignored. I don't know if the local police are in the midst of investigating, or if they are stymied by lack of leads. This is not to disparage their efforts to keep the streets safe.
To think that Bob died alone on some downtown street, by the hand of others, and has been all but forgotten is heartbreaking.
Life is such a gift. There are so many signs around us that reveal just how much we've forgotten that fact.
The take-away I offer is this: take the time to consider what your existence means. What does your life symbolize? What do you stand for?
P.S., in mid-November, I got word that a different homeless guy I know (let's call him Carl) also suffered an attack from a group of guys, apparently just because.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Q: "Where you been, old dude?"
A: Procrastinating, mostly.
Don't mind admitting, after the Aurora, CO shooting this summer, I did wonder "who cares about what movie you watched or what tune you heard?" Some of the stuff I wanted to post seemed pretty shallow.
So, we go from Aurora to shootings in Texas, Wisconsin and now Connecticut in a matter of months. People all over are asking "what can we do differently to prevent this in the future?" or "how do we explain it to our kids?"
I wish I had answers.
I do have a few thoughts, though. One, let's stop with the "we never thought it would happen in this neighborhood" mindset. The proof has been long evident that this kind of horrific attack can happen anywhere.
Let's also stop with the "he didn't seem like the kind of person to do this" view. Any of us are capable of great evil in a specific circumstance.
You want to explain it to your kids? Tell 'em evil has always been a part of life on earth. Tell 'em not to add to the evil that exists. Tell 'em the value of every life.
My bigger concern is "why do so many people feel that when they are hurting, it's appropriate to inflict hurt on innocents?" As much of a opinionated windbag as I am, I can't get my head around this fact. When did this perspective seemingly explode and pollinate virtually every corner of the globe?
Am I advocating increased gun control? No.
I advocate for increased "people control". In our society, we need to change the nature of discourse. I don't think we're asking the right questions. I was talking with some friends yesterday, and we all agreed that hearts need to change. The sanctity of life needs to be reaffirmed. Our approaches dealing with mental disorders or even personal challenges need to be re-evaluated.
Will I post about movies, music and other goofy stuff in the future? Yep. But, I can't shake this feeling that with all we have in this nation, we are falling apart faster than most are willing to admit.
Part of the recovery after heartbreak or tragedy is the desire to re-connect with some semblance of normalcy. It's tough, but we are compelled to pick up the pieces and go on.
See ya somewhere down the road...
Don't mind admitting, after the Aurora, CO shooting this summer, I did wonder "who cares about what movie you watched or what tune you heard?" Some of the stuff I wanted to post seemed pretty shallow.
So, we go from Aurora to shootings in Texas, Wisconsin and now Connecticut in a matter of months. People all over are asking "what can we do differently to prevent this in the future?" or "how do we explain it to our kids?"
I wish I had answers.
I do have a few thoughts, though. One, let's stop with the "we never thought it would happen in this neighborhood" mindset. The proof has been long evident that this kind of horrific attack can happen anywhere.
Let's also stop with the "he didn't seem like the kind of person to do this" view. Any of us are capable of great evil in a specific circumstance.
You want to explain it to your kids? Tell 'em evil has always been a part of life on earth. Tell 'em not to add to the evil that exists. Tell 'em the value of every life.
My bigger concern is "why do so many people feel that when they are hurting, it's appropriate to inflict hurt on innocents?" As much of a opinionated windbag as I am, I can't get my head around this fact. When did this perspective seemingly explode and pollinate virtually every corner of the globe?
Am I advocating increased gun control? No.
I advocate for increased "people control". In our society, we need to change the nature of discourse. I don't think we're asking the right questions. I was talking with some friends yesterday, and we all agreed that hearts need to change. The sanctity of life needs to be reaffirmed. Our approaches dealing with mental disorders or even personal challenges need to be re-evaluated.
Will I post about movies, music and other goofy stuff in the future? Yep. But, I can't shake this feeling that with all we have in this nation, we are falling apart faster than most are willing to admit.
Part of the recovery after heartbreak or tragedy is the desire to re-connect with some semblance of normalcy. It's tough, but we are compelled to pick up the pieces and go on.
See ya somewhere down the road...
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