Who's a Daddy?

Yep, Father's Day is Sunday. I am blessed to have two "adult descendants". Can't call them "my kids", since they are both adults.We're all in the same town, and see one another regularly.

As I look back over the years, I can't help but think back to the things I wish I had done better as a father. I meant well, but I let my selfishness or distraction or poorly-handled stress get in the way of being that dad I saw in my head. Lots of parents want to be that paragon of virtue their kids can admire. I can't make that claim. Nor can I go back and fix those missed opportunities.

My two are making their way through life, building for their futures while chasing their dreams. They're finding the right mix between the necessities of the workaday world while holding out hope for those desires just out of reach. I hope they both have as many dreams come true as God will allow.

For me, I'm learning that my role as father has to change. I can see that as generations change, the dad as "wizened advisor" isn't the admired role it was decades ago. There are so many more sources and perspectives on how life works, a wise old dad on a front porch may be an obsolete construct. It can be frustrating to finally have that life-earned wisdom, but no outlet in which to share.

So, as Father's Day approaches, I have to look at my descendants differently. They don't necessarily need me as a confidant; they have other allies who fit that role. They don't need my lasagna; they've learned the recipe I learned from their mom (my first wife). Their lives are their own, and now I only want for them to see the value of a life well-lived.

From my time as a father, I offer these suggestions:

For the younger dads out there, your presence in your child's life is the most powerful thing you can give. It's worth more than ten years' worth of trinkets and toys. Time is so valuable, more so as it slips away. Make the time for your child to see you handle all sorts of situations. Let your child see you handle success, failure, elation and grief. As your child gets older and more inquisitive, be there to answer those tough questions about the meaning and purpose of life.

For the older dads out there, there will come a time when your descendant wants to access your perspective. Don't hold out. Share that life experience you've earned. It's one way your influence lasts beyond your time on this earth.

For the dads who have minimal or no contact with your kids, it's never too late to make that first step. For some, that first step of contact can be a crucial part of putting a broken relationship back together.

I don't care what pop culture says. Being a father is a worthwhile calling, and more than just a punchline for a lame attempt at humor. As a father, you can help make this world a better place by how you bring up your child. On a personal, grass-roots level, you can help solve some of the ills of this earth. How you interact and help rear your kids has lasting benefit for us all.