When "Fight or Flight" Isn't Enough

This post is at least fifteen days in the making.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on the street doing the "soup run". As we were out there, one of our semi-regulars came up for a meal and a drink. That night, we had sports drinks to give out, shrink-wrapped for transit. We had a volunteer unwrapping one pack, but our customer didn't want to wait. The customer tried to rip the plastic, struggled, then finally threw the whole pack down on the street in anger.

A different volunteer saw the whole thing unfold (I only saw the end, out of the corner of my eye). That caused me to wonder: how do I handle anger on the streets?

Over most of my life, I went out of my way to avoid conflict (pretty weird, coming from a military veteran, eh?). Even now, I'm uncomfortable around anger, especially irrational anger. From a logic perspective, I stumble over how to deal with it, mitigate it, deal with the aftermath of such release.

During the soup run, we cant normally leave when someone is a little perturbed. (If true violence breaks out, where safety is compromised, we call 911 and depart the premises immediately.) If we leave the premises immediately, other customers in line don't get a meal. Some of our customers haven't eaten for a day or more. Depriving them of a meal would be unfortunate and wasteful.

However, we can't get into a fight with our customers. If we are ministering to people as we declare, how can we help anyone if we're verbally or physically fighting the very folk we're there to help?

So of course, a couple of nights later, I face my own anger. There was a misunderstanding regarding which guy would get served water or coffee before another. One particularly unsettled customer loudly stated I ignored him due to racial bias. His accusations included a few choice cuss words. Admittedly, I was offended, because a) the accusation wasn't true, and b) I'm loathe to accept verbal abuse (in public or private).

It became a weird argument. The customer was cussing at me, saying I ignored him because "it was a black thing". Meanwhile, I was yelling at him, demanding that he stand still so I could pour a cup of the cool water he desired.

And yes, I felt low once my shift ended. I didn't feel like a hero for carrying on like that. In fact, I felt like a failure for losing my poise.

So, I received an answer to my own question, but that answer only leads to more questions. I saw in real life how quick I could lose my poise and self-control. At my size and demeanor, any time I blow up emotionally, others are quickly horrified. I don't want that.

Now, I have to ask myself "how do I keep others from pushing my buttons?" Another question is "how do I adjust or eliminate my buttons so I'm not so easily offended?"

Seems like the older I get, and the more I learn, the more I realize I do not know. The journey goes on.