Am I Ready? Of Course Not

(For those who’ve already thought about these issues, this is a nod of acknowledgement. For those who haven’t, it’s a heads-up – live long enough, and your turn will come.)

We laid my dad to rest in March. In looking at his obituary, he covered a lot of ground in his life. He helped and mentored a lot of people. Many of those folks attended his funeral. It was a comfort to know they thought so much of him and his efforts.

My sisters did a great job of putting his accomplishments on paper. Admittedly, I don’t think I can do his life justice in this space. Even with “how much I love my writing style”, I’m not so confident to feel I can capture what he meant to the community.

This post isn’t just to eulogize my father. Others have done it already, and done it well. This post is to cover one aspect of our going forward after his passing.

I’ve talked with close friends about this point over the years, and I want to put it in print now. Years ago, we would talk about the role patriarchs and matriarchs play in families. Those elders are a readily-available fount of support and wisdom. In some cases, they provide that needed bit of advice that gets us through tough times. Sometimes, they can provide correction, when we are off-course but don’t see it. Sometimes, it may be something as prosaic as financial support (I’m not just advocating it, merely acknowledging that it does happen).  No matter how old we get as progeny, or how many experiences we accumulate, we never possess the wisdom of our elders. Their life experiences and perspective are precious.

Then, suddenly, those elders pass away. One day, we look around and see we are given a new role in our families. Now, it may be my turn to be that source of support. Am I ready? Of course not, but “ready” may not be the right answer. Maybe the question itself doesn’t completely capture the situation.

We’ve all been hit by those real-life moments. There is no way to prepare for the nature of those challenges and what we go through after those moments change our lives.  I can’t carry on my father’s work, since I don’t have his skills. But, I can use a mindset similar to what he used. He didn’t complain about the state of the world, he tried to actively make a difference.

It could come down to the time I spend in community service. It could be providing a listening ear to someone who needs to talk through a situation. It could come down to making a public stand on an issue I’m committed to seeing through to an appropriate conclusion. I’ll have opportunities to help, just like he did. I just have to open my eyes.

No, we can’t replace what my father meant to the local community. To me, we are obligated to carry on, taking the lessons he taught us and moving further down the line. That’s how an old soldier would have done it.