Monday, September 2, 2013

How Does a Baby Boomer Know He's Getting Old?

It snuck up on me. I fought it for a few years. Now, I can't deny it, "it" being squarely in middle age. These following things showed up on my "personal radar" within the last month (apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and anyone else who does observational humor):

When you gain more calories drinking a sports beverage than the calories you burned in the workout that "required" your consuming the sports beverage.

When you remember a high school football player being a 5-star recruit, and next thing you know he's in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

When you hear a song that someone calls "retro" and you remember years ago when it was called "a groundbreaking new sound".

When you see bridesmaids at a wedding, you notice the level of matching & coordination in their outfits, instead of seeing them as approachable for dating.

When you leave a wedding reception with the other seniors, right as the dance floor opens, noting "I can't dance to that stuff".

When the 25-year-old suit in your closet has become fashionable again.

When you can't fasten the 25-year-old suit around your now 50-something-year-old body.

When you're so cheap, you wonder if you'll live long enough to lose enough weight to eventually wear the suit, knowing by then the suit will be out of style again.

When you go to an auto parts store and regret not bringing your bifocals, since you can't read the fine print on the products otherwise.

When you see an "incontinence" aisle in a grocery store, and it reminds you to take a bathroom break ASAP.

When you hear the original "Thin Line Between Love and Hate" on the radio, and someone asks "is that the H-Town version?"

When your favorite band is featured on a 70's music channel.

When pizza becomes a rare treat instead of a basic food group.

When just sitting in a chair exhausts you.

When a mid-day nap is a viable option.

When you shave your facial hair and instantly go from "Uncle Remus/Fred Sanford" to a "baby face".

When you follow AARP's Twitter account.

When you realize some Buster Keaton movies are close to 100 years old. And, you still laugh at 100-year-old hi-jinks.

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