Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Surviving Colorado Drivers - A Road Rager's Guide

This has been in my head for a while.

For perspective, I have had the privilege of driving in several distinct areas in the Northern Hemisphere. I cut my teeth driving in Memphis, where when people get lost or confused, they just go even faster. I've survived the dreaded "Circle of Death" in downtown Riyadh. I've driven on "the wrong side of the road" in London. I've been on roads in North Pole, Alaska where heavy snow plus regular grading makes the roads safer & smoother in winter than they are in summer. I've driven in Guam, where the crushed coral in the asphalt composition makes the roads slicker than wet glass. I've driven in Hawaii, where "interstate" highways obviously don't connect with any other state.

With all the different styles I've seen, bar none the worst drivers I've encountered are in Colorado. I'm not really all that angry. By nature, I'm pretty mellow. However, the non-standard driving styles in the Centennial State confuse me. I've not seen these techniques as consistently used in other places as I see them here.

Let's look at some of the techniques that, in my opinion, bolster my claim:

1) the "Point Prover" - on the interstate, right (slow) lane is full. One driver gets in the left (fast) lane, but matches speed with a car in the right lane. At most, that driver may be a tenth of a mile per hour over the speed limit. He/she is just fast enough to get a nose ahead of the driver to his/her right, but not fast enough to allow traffic to flow. Why? To "prove a point/enforce the speed limit/keep others from speeding"?

Let the State Patrol enforce that.

2) the "Push and Pull" - with apologies to Rufus Thomas (R.I.P.). You're on a city street, approaching a traffic light, with a car in front of you. Maybe you're 100 yards or so from the light, and you can see the light has been green for a minute or more.  The car in front of you starts braking (the light's green - why?). This is the "push" part. He/she brakes, so you have to brake, increasing distance between you and the car before you ("pushing" you back). The other driver is anticipating the light changing from green to yellow to red. But, the light hasn't changed yet.

The light finally changes to yellow, the driver in front of you "pulls" away. He/she gets through the intersection under yellow, you stop in the intersection under red. If he/she just drove the speed limit under green, you both could get through the intersection.

3) Curiosity Slowing - when I first moved here, I narrowly missed several rear-end accidents not expecting this phenomenon. It doesn't even have to happen near an accident. You don't need State Patrol vehicles present, either. If a vehicle is stopped on the side of the road, and the scenario looks interesting, people slow down to gawk. This ain't reality television - please maintain the posted speed limit.

4) Slowing to Merge - another one that consistently baffles me. In most states, drivers are taught when entering a highway they are to match speed with traffic already on the highway, find a "hole" that fits your car, and merge. Here, drivers do the exact opposite - they decelerate well below the posted speed limit in the merge maneuver. It seems they expect the traffic already on the highway to slow down substantially or even stop to allow them to merge.

If you're not mentally/emotionally ready to get on the highway, why get on the highway in the first place?

5) Race You to the Exit/Bottleneck, etc. - you are on the highway, or maybe even on a city street. You're in the right lane, with maybe one vehicle behind you, usually in the left lane. No one else behind you within 200-300 yards. An off-ramp or lane closure is near. The other driver accelerates to cuts you off just before the off-ramp/closed lane. You both have to brake - he/she does to get under control before changing lanes, you do to keep from rear-ending the passing vehicle. Meanwhile, there is still no one within 300 yards of your rear bumper.

In timing, the passing driver would at best be a couple of seconds later to the exit/bottleneck if he/she merged behind you. I guess it's more fun to race to the bottleneck. Doesn't make much sense to me, though.

There are more techniques to add to this list. More to follow.

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